Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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