True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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