Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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