you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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