the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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