My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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