those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
