okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
