Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
