dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
