he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
