i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
