i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
