Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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