how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
