So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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