she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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