I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......