y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can't motorboat a personality
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something