I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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