So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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