Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
