i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
