I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
