HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
