So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
