Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you had me at cake vodka
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
