he puts the penis in happiness.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
