At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
