i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
