My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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