I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
