Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
