btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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