I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love having hate sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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