I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't put those talents on a resume
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
