how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
