im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
