I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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