the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
