Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
