I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
