Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
