I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
