check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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