just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
