Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
