wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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