he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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