I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
