Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
