My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
