So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
