The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
