you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
