ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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