I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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