Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's get the cat blown out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
