So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
