I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
