STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
