College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
