I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
