I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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