Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
