Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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