your parents love me but you hate me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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