foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That accounts for only three of the penises
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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