bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
