I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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