i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
