My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
