Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
