I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
