Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
