Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
