how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
